Humans of Fitler Square, Part IV
By Rolando Rosa
Humans of Fitler Square is our take on the long-running Humans of New York project: brief, verbatim portraits of local residents, offering a glimpse into the people and stories behind the rowhouse doors.
Milana Sigal
Me and my husband are the first in our family [whose marriage] lasted. It’s been 17 years now. Both of our parents are divorced. And so we come from a line of parents that didn’t make it.
I think that was something that I was very nervous about, overcoming those huge setbacks. [Managing] adversity is not agreeing on things or, you know, having different visions, but overcoming it and coming together and becoming really, you know, partners.
Sometimes I think: ‘Oh, gosh, if I can just go back in time and know what I know now, I would do so much differently.’ But you can’t, and adulthood is part of that, right? It’s part of learning how to navigate life, the world, the daily things.
We can pour into our children as best as we can, but I know when my mom said something and I was a teenager, I listened with a quarter of an ear. I just think it’s part of life.
I would definitely be more open if I could go back in time. Open all the doors, all the doors that are available. Not just the doors that seem safe and comfortable but all the doors and just see where they lead you.
John and Karen Schueler
Karen: I went to Penn to get a master’s in positive psychology. No sooner did I get my master’s in positive psychology than when I was faced with a situation that really required me to apply it and use optimism and all of the things you learn about wellbeing and resilience.
I wrote a book on caregiving, which is because of my experience with my late husband, who had cancer. If you’re watching someone who’s a caregiver, it looks overwhelming. They’re always flat out busy. They have no time for themselves. Often, most caregivers are women. Like 69 percent are women who are also raising children and taking care of aging parents.
But the paradox is that it is overwhelming, that’s what the research says, and also it’s a source of wellbeing and resilience. Like, I can look at myself and go: ‘That was really hard.’ It was 24/7. It’s scary. But my late husband and I had a great relationship. Our kids all had great relationships. It brings you closer in a way. So that’s what my book is about. It’s called The Sudden Caregiver.
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Karen: I actually think we’re really good at handling conflict.
John: Communication is so important for conflict not to happen. Karen’s better than I am. If there’s something important to talk about, we talk about it.
Karen: I teach conflict resolutions but that doesn’t mean I’m always ready for a conflict. But because I teach it, I have this little voice in my head that says: ‘If you say that, it will feel good, but it will cause an escalation.’
John: Partly because of other relationships, especially my [previous] marriage, I really appreciate Karen wanting to work through things and talk through things and not walk away and just put it onto the rug or whatever.
If something comes up, we’re going to talk about it. I’m like: ‘Okay, get ready. Here we go.’ [Laughs] But I appreciate that because not every relationship has that. I know it.